Settling in with the Two Powers

I've been working with the Two Powers and adding it into my regular practice. I had thought it would be odd to add in, but I am discovering that I am far more balanced by including it.  For the first couple days, I tried the full long version but it didn't work. It was lovely, I enjoyed it, but it wasn't exactly right for me.  It is so strongly pushed that this is the most amazing meditation ever that I was surprised I didn't have a stronger reaction.  I finally realized my problem wasn't the meditation, but the way it is written.

I decided to try something different - I stopped with the audio file. No more listening to the way it is thought to be.  My mind has already absorbed the points, so instead I simply close my eyes and let my mind go through the steps on its own.  I can't adequately explain the difference quite yet.  The closest I can say is that I now actually feel the connection to the cosmos during this practice.  It goes from a simple way to ground and balance to a method of not only remembering just how amazing the cosmos is, but becoming a part of it.

I can't always take the time to go into this version of the meditation, but I discovered a short version in the Wheel study book that I love by Ceisiwr Serith:

The waters support and surround me.

The land extends about me.

The sky reaches out above me.

At the center burns a living flame.

This has become a sort of affirmation for me, It is short and sweet, yet a perfect way to quickly remind myself of the connection and give me a quick balancing check. I am going to memorize it so I can more easily use it and see how that goes. 

Release the Past to Move Forward

This entry has nothing to do with any of the requirements.  It's not insight on a book ar anything else I read. Instead, this is about something I realized today while talking with a friend.  

I mentioned before that I had been part of a very destructive group not long ago, but managed to escape. Yes, escape.  I don't use that word lightly either. Anyway, I was talking to a friend who had also been a part of this group. That is actually where I met her. She managed to get out too, but only by completely uprooting her life and moving several hours away.  Even then they tried to keep her dependent, but in the end, they simply tried to discredit her. I was stunned at the slander coming from them!  Knowing her as well as I do, I knew it was false and even got them to admit it. It happened at the same time as some other major red flags were waving. I knew I had to find a way out.

I eventually did, but only with the help of an elder who had also realized what the once shining group has collapsed into and become.  He gave me tips and stepped in to help me leave.  It was difficult, but I did it WITHOUT moving away. I was the first to manage that feat! Of course, their slander campaign against me was far worse, but people who know me realized it wasn't true. It is over a year later and they still start it up when my name is in the public eye or they run into me at the store, but that's ok. I can handle it.

Now to the point of this ramble. My friend was challenged in a writer community to a series of "letters not sent". The point is that by saying what you always needed to say to someone no longer in your life or maybe not even with us any longer it can be a big help to deal with the issues never resolved. I saw her blog of this particular letter.  It took only a few seconds to realize this one was for the man who led that other group, even though she left out the name and anything personally identifiable.  Only someone who knows what was going on could know to whom she was referring.

Reading her words, I agreed with them all. This letter could have been written by myself.  At the end, I realized she is still dealing with her issues and hadn't moved too far.  I thought about all the other people harmed by this man and how much they are still controlled by these wounds.  Then something amazing happened.... I realized that for the first time, while reading about what he did I was ok.  I didn't get worked up or angry. I just thought to myself "yep. that's all very true." No other emotion except hope that the letter would help her move on. 

Not long ago I posted about a card reading. I had expected a simple one card guidance, but instead ended up with four cards all telling me about entering the Underworld and dealing with my baggage so I could move on.  I had thought it would be longer before I would make any progress, but I was wrong. I do realize of course that there is plenty more work to be done, but this is a great accomplishment and it makes me even more optimistic.  It has taken a lot of tears and long talks before I could reach this place. It truly helps to see that I am moving on with my life and healing. 

Discovering the Two Powers & the Connection to Nature

Today was the first time I tried the Two Powers meditation. It has immediately become one of my favorite forms. Most meditations help me relax, focus, or feel healed.  This one instead made me feel connected in a way nothing else has. Not to mention, I am incredibly energized now.  For someone with chronic fatigue, that is a truly unusual state!  I can certainly understand now why this is the preferred method for so many people.

So what now? How does this affect my meditation practice? Well, I am always wanting to adapt it and change it over time.  This will absolutely be part of the mix and may well become a daily practice. Next time I will try the audio file on the ADF page. I wonder if someone else's voice will change how it affects me.  Sometimes different speakers lead me to experience meditations and journeys in  different ways. I know part of this experience for us to learn and grow.  I am happy to make some changes to my meditative practice. However, the Two Powers will not be my only change.

In another group I belong to, we were just introduced to another meditation that strongly resonated with me.  They called it "The Crystal Meditation".  In this method, you are meant to hold a crystal or other stone that you have a strong connection with and (if possible) sit outside with holding your stone in both hands.  Focus on the stone. Focus on its connection with everything around you.  Once you are comfortable with the web of connection, feel the tie it has with the smallest thing outside - an insect, a blade of grass, or something else entirely.  Once you can strongly feel the connection with your chosen bit of nature, feel a connection from it to something larger, such as a flower or a butterfly.  Keep going to progressively larger things.  I have stopped with my big willow tree, amd I have also kept going all the way to the ocean.  This meditation has helped me feel the tie to all the beings in nature far more strongly than any other meditation I have undertaken.

In a short time, I have learned two amazing new techniques to add to my practice. Both of them will greatly complement my work with the ADF and help me feel my connection with everything so much more strongly than ever before. I am very curious to see what changes this will lead to in my life. For now, it is time to explore the divination after this meditation.

When I do post-meditative divination, it is not meant to answer any kind of question.  It is instead simply a message from the universe or whoever I was working with as to something to think about or focus on in the near future.  I wait until afterward to find out what method calls to me.  This time, it was my enchanting new Druid Animal Oracle I had been waiting years to get.  It is still very new to me, but I absolute love the feelings I get from the cards. 

I normally end up with one card calling, or sometimes too.  I was shocked to have four want to be drawn!  First was Raven. Raven announces initiation which can also bring about deep healing from healing things long left buried.  This I have to say made me quite happy.  For several weeks now as I have dove deeper into the world that is the ADF and all the studies associated with it, I have had a feeling that it would change me in ways I did not expect. I could feel that I was finally healing from damage done by a group I left last year that was destructive, manipulative, and crossed some serious lines that I refused and led to me walking away.  It has been difficult to deal with those wounds, but these studies and the people I am meeting are all healing me to heal far more quickly than I thought possible after all this times.  Thank you Raven for your message!

Second was Hawk. Hawk helps bring perspective allowing one to free themselves from unnecessary baggage as well as helps to connect with the ancestors on a deeper level.  Again, a perfect messenger! The perspective is exactly what I was needing to help with the issue Raven brought up. As for the ancestors, I am connecting on a deeper level than I thought I would at this point in my studies.  It has always been easiest to focus on the Native American part of me since I am surrounded by it thanks to my family. but with my other grandpa now passed on, there is nothing left here close to me to help with the tie to the rest of them.  Now here I am, part of a Welsh Kin, I am learning about them and getting that tie to become strong.  Thank you Hawk for you gifts!

Third was Crane. Now I have a triad of birds.  Interesting... Of course, in the ADF Crane is well-known as a guide to the Underworld. It makes sense because for me to remove this old baggage and heal from those wounds, I knew I would have to travel to the Underworld.  That is simply part of my path and the Work I do.  Crane also brings with it patience and emerging from the Underworld with secret knowledge.  This again makes sense.  Only after having patience while working with these issues in the Underworld will I be able to be reborn not only as a new person, but with the knowledge I have been seeking as well as the understanding of where to go to continue learning.  Thank you Crane for your guidance!

Finally I draw Earth Dragon.  What a powerful messenger to have speak to me! This is the guardian of potential.  It seems that this journey to the Underworld will not only be what I need to finally move on from this part of my past, but it will also be what is needed to truly unlock what I wish to gain and to learn.  Thank you Earth Dragon for unlocking this door!

It seems I have a very difficult, yet very rewarding time ahead of me.  I now know what this "big thing" I've been feeling on the horizon is. I've been antsy lately, sort of like a person feels right before a big trip they've been planning and looking forward to a long time.  I feel like the door to the mountain is just before me and I can finally see Crane waiting to take me inside.  I suppose that means it is time. Here I go, off on my amazing journey.  I don't know who I'll be when I emerge, but I do know I will be even better than I have been before!

Finding My Nature Spot

Week Five in The Wheel of the Year program focuses on finding a nature spot.  This chapter actually confused me at first.  It may have been the first time it had ever occurred to me that not everyone already has one. My entire life whenever I would move to a new home one of the first thing I would do, even before getting unpacked, is to find my nature spot.  I can't imagine life without one. That is one thing that keeps me going.  No matter how sick I feel or how much pain I am in, I can always look out or sit in my special little spot that ties me to nature and feel better.

My current home has two main places, I would say.  When I can sit outside, I have a beautiful place set up with a swing and a fire pit. This little spot is in the back corner my mom's yard. It is full of many varieties of birds and frolicking squirrels.  From this little spot I can see into part of the front yard, the haven for our birds, the entire back yard, birds, squirrels, and the majority of the pasture. The beauty of the pasture is that it is only minimally contained. We had planned to let it grow free again this year, but there was a lot of fire danger a bit ago here, so we spent several nights burning it as we watched the sun go down and the gorgeous full moon rise above us.

My other nature spot is designed to enjoy while I am indoors.  I currently live in someone else's home, so I don't have the freedom I would in my own. Most of my time is spent in my room.  I have created a nature sanctuary outside my window and angled the dresser mirror so that I can watch my bird feeding station through the reflection in the mirror.  Other times, I can sit in front of this window and look out into a pasture that is full of local wildflowers, my beautiful willow tree, and often I see wild animals wandering around in this little piece of heaven.

It wasn't a matter of finding a nature spot. Instead, this was a point of actually realizing just what I had and how lucky I am to have it.  I realize I will not be in this house much longer unless things work out so I can buy it with my fiance, but I will make the most of every moment I am here.

Daily Devotionals Changed My Life

The requirement of regular meditation may well be the easiest of them all for me.  I have kept a regular practice of meditation and trance work for several years.  I meditate most days, keep my daily devotionals with only rare moments where I miss it, and frequently use drumming for trancing.  At this point, I actually can't imagine my life without it.

For almost a year now, I have been using Caitlin Matthews book Celtic Devotional.  I find it perfect for my needs. It's divided into seasons with the daily devotions appropriately adapted.  It includes devotions for both morning and evening, and changes each day of the week. Even further adaptations include a moment in the morning with a theme to meditate upon based on the day of the month.  Each evening also has a meditation moment ordered by day of the moon cycle. It goes further to include welcomes and farewells to the seasons as well as ideas for spiritual meditative activities each season.  

I ordered this book thinking it would simply be a way to help me get in the practice of having some sort of daily practice instead of being sporadic through the week.  Instead, it has brought me closer to focusing on what is really going on around me, paying closer attention to the natural world, more focus on the ancestors, and has led to an incredible way of grounding myself which has helped me to handle my chronic pain much better. 

My meditation has been quite varied, but I do practice it usually about 4 or 5 nights a week.  Often there is no particular purpose.  I generally just feel a blue healing light fill my entire body.  I can actually feel it pause and sort of  "fill in" any places where there are issues.  I have been using this method for at least a year and I have felt better than I have in a very long time.  Not only does it bring my awareness to any places in my body I am having problems with but did not realize (a frequent problem with the fibromyalgia and lupus), but I can feel myself healing in ways I did not before. This alone is cause for a frequent meditation practice.

I also enjoy practicing drumming trancework.  This is not a regular practice of mine, but it is an important part of my spiritual life.  I only do it when I feel the call.  Sometimes there is an actual purpose, other times an unidentifiable "something" lets me know it is time.  I have a variety of drums, including a small one I can sit in my lap easily while sitting on my bed.  These occurrences always lead to deep journeys and all sorts of important messages.  These I do not share unless they are meant for another person.  I have a small, private notebook specifically for these journeys and the information given to me.  It goes back about three years at this point and has near perfect accuracy.

In the end, although every part of my meditative practices have been extremely important, the daily devotionals have been the most important.  Without this book, I would never have begun the devotions.  I certainly would never have managed to make it into a habit.  My dailies have truly changed my life, and done so for the better! 

The Beginnings of My New Shrine

I have had an altar/shrine in my home for the last 2 decades. It has changed over the years as my own practice has changed and grown.  I am now on the journey to creating an altar that fits my new ADF practice.  So far, I have kept it pretty much as it had been. I wasn't worried.  I have learned over the years that when it is time for something to change, the means to do so will appear.

So far, I had been using a simple small clear glass bowl for the well and a matching one to hold the candle for my flame.  The World Tree was my first change towards a true ADF shrine. It is an actual tree. I was out underneath my beloved willow tree when I discovered a tiny cedar struggling to survive.  It was tangled in the roots in a place where it could hardly get any sun. It was fighting and looking so sick.  I decided to save it.  It now lives in a little pot and sits in my bedroom window where it greets the rising sun every day.  I move it to my altar when I need it, but otherwise, this is its new home. I am on the search for a bigger pot for it, but for now, the small white butterfly pot is big enough. One day, when I have a house of my own, it will be planted at the central point of my outdoor sacred site - perhaps the labyrinth my fiance and I plan to create.  Wherever it ends up, it will continue to be an important part of my practice.  

The past Thursday night, I was reading about the creation of the Home Shrine. I read a section about keeping an eye out in thrift stores if money is an issue. I am extremely poor, so most of my belongings come from thrift stores. I learned long ago what kind of treasures await the person willing to look.  I knew this is where I would find the next piece for my shrine.  Friday I was out with my best friend and my mom. Good fortune was with me!  I knew for the Well I wanted something unique and special. I also wanted something that evoked the feeling of a sacred well even when it didn't contain water.  I found for fifty cents a beautiful handmade pottery bowl.  It is swirled with shades of cream, pale green, and tan.  Looking into it feels like looking into an actual well.  Another piece has fallen into place.

I also found something that for me represents the ancestors. I discovered hidden on a shelf at Goodwill an amazing little vase created by a Sioux artist. It was a price I could afford and it "felt" right. It is about 4 or 5 inches tall with a rounded bottom and a small neck. it is brown except for the design in tan.  I normally don't like brown, so I was surprised at how strongly it called to me.  I realize that ADF focuses on Indo-European cultures, but I am hoping that this one piece will be allowed to be from a different tradition.  I learned so long ago to always go with any strong feelings. In this case, I KNEW the small little vase was meant to represent this part of my ancestry.

So this is the beginning.  All of these treasures are on a table I added a glossy green marbled top to and covered with a beautiful green/purple/gold scarf from India. There is no reason for the scarf other than it simply seemed like a good fit because it was obviously very special.  I am excited to see how else my shrine changes over the course of my studies!

The Fox's Path

Today I saw something amazingly rare for my area, and so very beautiful -- a red fox. That may not seem odd, but we so rarely have foxes here, yet now I have seen a massive grey one in the backyard one evening.  And today, in the middle of the afternoon, a large red one with earthy browns strongly streaking it's back came running across my front yard.  It took the time to pause and look over my way before wandering off to the neighbors.  I was immediately out afterward and it had simply disappeared.

I have to ask myself why.  I am outside of town, but while it is the country, there simply aren't any foxes here.  Certainly not of the size both of these were.  I think it is time for me to do some serious study into the significance of a fox appearing in a person's life.

I have found a few meanings in my research.  Since I have settled on a Celtic path, I feel those are the meanings to focus on.  First, I read a fox is meant to be a guide and is honored for its wisdom. It is also a guide in the spirit realm.  This makes sense to me.  I had just wanted to get deeper into the natural realm, and the fox matches this.  I also have a strong tie to the spirit realm and my own primary animal is the owl, another spirit realm creature.  

I also came across the fox teaching the lesson of invisibility.  The fox can be an indicator that it is time to sit back, be silent, and simply watch in order to learn.  I have heard of many instances where an individual was able to reach a point of focus where they could seem to disappear in a crowd or into their surroundings.  While I know this isn't something simple to do as in Harry Potter, I do believe it is possible.  Anything is possible.  I know there are people with amazing skills that are simply learned focus and practice working with the earth energies.  Perhaps this is one of those abilities.

Since I was a child and heard the stories of Druid and Native American shapeshifters, I have been fascinated. Perhaps some of the stories are about people who were strong in the ways of the fox and simply were able to appear to shift into their environment.  It is certainly something to think about...

Reading and thinking on all this, I have to consider the ability of patience as well.  After all, wisdom comes from the patience to take the time to study until you learn and then understand what you learn.  Patience is also needed to deal with both the natural realm and the spirit realm.  Even more, fox's gift of invisibility comes largely from the patience required to blend into its surroundings.  Without patience, none of the other gifts could manifest.

Overall, I find these lessons to be extremely timely and important.  They are reminders of exactly what I am needing to learn right now.  They are lessons to get me to where I wish my path to take me. I thank you, dear fox, for appearing in my life!

The Beauty of Meditating with Others

Last night my UU had a meditation group meeting.  They began while I was recovering from surgery, so this was my first chance to join them. Although it is new, it seems we may about to be without a place to continue meeting.  I suppose that whatever it takes to get people newly introduced to meditation is worth it! I was very much surprised to be the only attendee who has regularly meditated for a long time. I do hope they will continue with another local group now that they have discovered how wonderful it is. I am now so used to a solitary practice that I had forgotten how nice it can be when people of like mind join their energy together in a common purpose.  One thing really good about last night is that we all have the UU mindset, regardless of our personal faith, and we all know each other quite well. We blended into a beautiful harmony. 

The end result was an impassioned discussion about our life story.  Most members chimed in with stories of growing up that were less than happy. They finally concluded that we don't have to live the story that was written for us.  After a pause I spoke up that by the same token, we can create our own story.  If we don't like it, change it! If we want something else in life, we have to convince ourselves that we deserve it and it is possible. Once we do, we can take the steps to make it true.  The important thing is the belief.  If we don't believe we can have something, then we never will.  No one seemed to know how to take that view.

Finally, a friend that was sitting beside me asked that I explain a bit more in depth.  We ended up talking for about 30 minutes about creating it. She has an incredibly stressful life right now and is about to spend a year fighting to be granted tenure.  She has been depressed for months and only getting worse.  By the time we finished talking, she looked the most optimistic I had seen her in a long time.  I came home feeling good that I could help my friend. I don't like seeing her upset and I do my best to cheer her up whenever I can.  As part of my mental discipline training, I am getting in the habit of doing some sort of simple divination at the end to get any extra messages or insight into whatever topic had presented itself while meditating. Tonight I was drawn to my Goddess Guidance Oracle.

I drew Rhiannon.  My first thought was joy because the night before was when I decided to officially choose the Welsh culture as my primary.Then I read the message on the bottom - "You are a magical person who can manifest your clear intentions into reality." That is exactly what I was saying tonight! Then a thought hit me.  This is the card I kept drawing while I studied with my old wiccan church that shook up the HP so much.  I had forgotten how this was something I would hear in whispered conversations about me when I walked in the room. Perhaps it's simply because I understand this truth. Perhaps it is because knowing it gave me the strength to break away from a group that manipulates its members and requires inappropriate behavior between its clergy and students. Whatever the reason, I know that I will create a great life from myself because I KNOW I can and I KNOW it is possible!