Finding My Home

I have spent almost 20 years trying to figure out exactly what is my hearth culture. This gave me a bit of a leg up on Personal Spiritual Practice part of the DP requirement. For quite some time, I had been pulled in three directions - Native American, Celtic and Norse. All three are parts of my heritage, so I thought it made sense once I meditated about them. Over time, I realized this simply would not work. Working with three cultures is simply too many directions pulling me apart.  I couldn't focus well enough to devote myself to anything in particular.

In the end, I have decided to have one as my dedicated hearth culture and simply honor the other two. This is a decision many years in the making. It was far from easy. I finally simply looked back over the years of my studies to see what called the most and where I was the most comfortable. I have discovered it is the Welsh culture.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.  This entire journey since joining the ADF, though short so far, has been a process of going back to the beginning.

I began my life fascinated by the Druidic teachings that my grandfather had held on to from his family (not that he realized that's what they were). I have also always been interested in the Welsh part of my family.  I wish there had been more information kept in the family, but most of what had existed was lost.  With nothing to help from that direction, as soon as I had unlimited home internet access, I began to search for as much as I could find from that direction.

Since beginning my DP studies, I have discovered that the vast majority of the deities, views, and ways of accessing life are following the Welsh hearth. So, here I am, declaring Welsh as my hearth Culture. It feels really good to be able to say that!

My next step is to work on my High Holy days and develop a practice from the Welsh culture. My reading about the lore of each already confirms that I have made the right choice. I never realized these stories were all Welsh. I simply recognized them on a subconscious level. Perhaps these were part of the stories read to me as a child.  So many of the myths were my bedtime stories as a child. I consider it as yet another confirmation that I have finally found my home!

A Simple Devotional Moment

One of the earliest moments in my ADF journey that really showed me just how right this path is for me was the first time I performed the "First Druidic Working" on pages 29 and 30 of the DP manual. It has since become my simple devotion and moment of balancing several times a week. There is just one change from the book. The point where we are meant to pause to just feel I have started drawing a single card from whatever oracle deck calls to me. Just a simple moment to receive whatever guidance is meant for me.  This simple little ritual is becoming so very important to me and my practice. I doubt it will be much longer before I have it completely memorized simply from performing it so often.

There have been times where I felt the need for this devotion, but I was unable to be in a place where I could have the tools with me. This is simply a fact that comes with living with someone else. Fortunately, I am fully capable of performing the act fully through a meditation.  I can feel the wetness of the water on my finger. I can feel the heat of the candle flame warm my hand.  I can taste the sweetness of the drink upon my tongue. It is of course not the same as having the physical objects in front of me, but it does allow me to spend more time in my devotions than I could otherwise. It has the added benefit of helping me to train my mind even stronger.

I have noticed that the moment of reflection has helped me to figure out what my subconscious is dealing with as well as helping to offer guidance on how to resolve any problems that I am currently working through. Tonight I discovered something was bothering me that I didn't fully realize still affected me. Over the past few days, a toxic pagan group I managed to leave about a year ago had suddenly popped up in my life again. I didn't have any direct dealings with it or the members, but the situation did bring up some unresolved things from my time with them.  

I used the "Wisdom of the Hidden Realms" oracle deck.  Whenever it calls to me, it always helps me dive deeply into my psyche.  In this case, the issue popped up in my mind as I was handling the cards. I was certainly surprised to realize that was what had been bothering me! Then a card dropped out. The Prison Waif.  The general meaning of this card was that self-sabotaging beliefs were coming up, but I had the ability to move beyond them.

This was the absolute truth! As soon as these people pop up in my life, I will again let the feelings of not being good enough surface.  Even though I eventually learned this belief was pushed upon all the clergy-in-training as a way of control by the High Priest, I have not completely extracted the message.  These days, it usually is out of my mind.  Even so, it was a very difficult and somewhat traumatic leaving that will of course affect me for some time to come.  All at once I learned we were taught to believe such things because he wanted to "share energy" with the female students.  He wanted to make us all believe that without him we were nothing and could never progress forward. He wanted us to give over complete control of our lives to him (even to the point of requiring students to give up full custody of their children to ex-spouses or family members in order to become ordained).  Learning these secrets and many more was a lot of shock all at once and it took a lot of time to work through.  Even today I am stunned I didn't realize it all sooner

On one hand, drawing this card means that the issues popped up again. I wasn't really surprised.  This sort of healing takes time. On the other hand, I take this card to mean that I AM becoming successful in moving past. I AM managing to heal from the damage done by this man. I AM on the right path to a full recovery. Some may see this card as bad, but I see this card as cause for great optimism!!

Everything can be seen in a positive or negative light.  It simply depends on your point of view.  I do my best to always find something positive, even in a bad experience.  It has greatly changed my life including making a life with chronic health issues not so bad. I will take this message from tonight's devotion as a good one.  After all, each time I deal with the damage left behind I heal from it a bit more.  I have seen others try to leave but go back to him because they came to believe the damage as the only way to exist.  I am confident that each time I grieve a little more I will learn a little to move beyond it all a little more. One day they will no longer have the ability to hurt me.  That is the day I will be able to fully look back upon the lessons I learned as beneficial - even when the lesson is the warning signs to watch for.

Nature and the Path to Sulis

The Nature Attunement paper may be the requirement I most look forward too. After all, nature has been a major part of my spiritual practice pretty much my entire life.  Even as a child, the one place I truly felt the touch of the divine was in the woods behind the house.  I will forever be grateful to my grandpa for that.

When reading the relevant chapter in the Manual, the first thing that stands out to me is the point of getting to know the Gods and Goddesses of the forest. I realize the context of the paragraph was more of a time when there was plenty of untamed nature, but I think it is still fully relevant. After all, how can we as Druids have a truly deep practice without some sort of connection to nature deities? Even if a person thinks of it more as just the connection to the Universe or the Divine within, it is still a connection to the special otherworldliness that is found in nature.

I will say, in this day and age I feel we need to find out what nature deities call to us.  Sometimes, for whatever reason, the local ones simply don't speak to us.  That's not to say we shouldn't honor them, but perhaps we need to find out who does call us. Who knows? Perhaps an ancestral deity has already laid claim to us or needs us. Perhaps we made a vow to a particular deity that carried over beyond a previous life. Maybe it is something else that we can't quite understand.  All I know is that I have seen time and time again that some people have some sort of tie to some deity that can't be explained, but cannot be denied.

I have long had a feeling there was a specific goddess out there who was simply waiting for the right time to call.  I have had close feelings for several, and my work with them strongly leads me to believe that in previous lives I have been devoted to them.  I will always have a tie, but I knew there was someone else this time around that was waiting and watching.  I also knew that She was waiting for the time I was finally on the proper path of druidic studies.  I can't say how I knew. I just did.  I've known since I was young that I would one day end up here. 

Two days ago, I finally heard the call.  I was in the shower with my hands under the running water waiting for it to warm up when I felt hands cradling mine. I stood up and there I saw her. I knew nothing about her other than her name was Sulis. That is all She would say to me. I have since learned she is a Celtic Goddess of sacred springs and likely with the sun as her sacred waters in Bath are quite warm. It clicked. I have had an obsession with sacred wells and springs for years as well as the need for very warm water in order to feel the sacred connection.  It finally makes sense!  

I've seen a few places saying there is a connection between her and owls. Yet another sign. About a year ago, I suddenly had a light interest in them turn into a near obsession.  Of course, I can look back and see signs over and over.  I even have a bag of owl feathers from one that was injured and died on the steps of an old meeting hall that were gifted to me.  The lady who gave them to me only said she knew I would need them.  She even made me a smudging fan from the feathers. I decided not long ago that the feather would need to go on my staff and my ritual drum.  Sign after sign after sign, and they all pointed to Her.

I did a massive search for her online. I found so many images that resonated on a soul-deep level. There were no more doubts. I had finally found Her! I recently joined the Naturalists Guild.  The Mystic track grabbed me as soon as I read it and no matter what else I read or how much time passed between perusals, I couldn't get it out of my mind.  Again, it now makes perfect sense. I can feel it will be tied into my path with Her.

I know that my journey to develop a closer relationship to nature will take time, but that's what makes it exciting.  My current project is to learn the species of trees in my area.  I've already discovered a few.  I didn't expect to enjoy it so much.  I want to learn more about the local herbs next, but I am still trying to memorize these trees and the different ways they look. It will be my next exciting project.  I am happier with my life than I think I have ever been before.  I KNOW that I have finally arrived where I am meant to be!

journeyingtothegoddess.wordpress.com/2012/05/27/goddess-sulis/

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sulis

Handbook of Urban Druidry

For some time now I have been a reviewer for Moon Books.  Recently they sent me a batch of books on Druidry.  This is the first - The handbook of Urban Druidry by Brendan Howlin. I like to read as many different perspectives as possible, so I am interested in this book especially.  Why am I including this review in my DP journal? I have seen mentioned several times we should make notes on any extra books we read.  For me, I am taking it  a step further to add my own thoughts so I can use this entry as something I can look back on as I learn and grow throughout my studies.

Learning to see - The main thing in this chapter that struck me was to pay attention to the little things. Most people in my life constantly are staring at their phones or tablet. They miss so much that is amazing in this world! I not only don't own a phone with internet access, but the more time I spend in my studies, the less time I want to spend online. I am an ebay seller, so I have little choice about being on my computer. I keep facebook up for a few people to contact me when they need to since I rarely have my phone on me, yet I spend little time actually messing around online. I am glad that time keeps getting less and less.  These days, most of my personal time with the computer is spent playing my music collection, reading ebooks and educational articles, and for personal conversation with non-local friends.  I feel that if I am going to be on my computer, I should make the time count!

Learning to relax - Example, watch less tv.  OK, this is something else I can go along with.  Yes, I do have some favorite shows and they are not all educational. Yet I have reached a point where I have no problem watching them at my convenience on demand or online.  However, I can understand the need for a television.  I used to be a very lonely person.  I did have a number of shows I HAD to see on time every week. Yes, I would get stressed about it. They were a major part of my life and if I missed one, I felt like I had missed time with good friends. I am so glad that is no longer the case.

I didn't actually realize how much I had changed regarding tv until I sat down and started typing this journal entry. These days, I often prefer to watch my favorite shows late at night on demand.  It allows me to live life without worrying about such things and I watch less crappy tv simply because there's nothing on that night, yet the tv is still on for companionship.  I admit, I still have it on a lot in the background since I am home all day.  Yet my choices are different and it's not such a focus. I've also noticed my viewing choices have changed. No more crime shows like CSI. Absolutely no true crime is ever turned on outside of the nightly news.  I prefer a pleasant comedy to make me smile or a thought-provoking sci fi/fantasy show that gets me considering things outside the box. Watching syfy channel has led to some interesting meditation focus points.  

My main problem with this chapter is the discussion on meditation. Yes, I agree it is very important. However, not only does the book do an awful job of explaining it (by giving quick vague tips that won't work for most people) but it doesn't really explain why it is beneficial other than "to help you relax".  I can't see the spiritual seeker wanting to add it to their practice based if this happened to be their introduction.

Getting in tune with the seasons - ahh. Now we're getting somewhere. This is vital for a Druid! I'm glad the book is getting along into a bit deeper practises. I have found this to be helpful for any person on a spiritual path, regardless of their particular faith.  I have seen in my students over the years that this helps decrease depression, increase joy and help with a personal healing practice.

Wait. I was wrong. Using this practice "to impress your friends" should NOT be the primary motivation for a Druid! Hmm.. that was about all the 3 page chapter said. I admit to being disappointed.  There is so much that could have been said!

Living the wheel of the year - As my other journal entries have explained, this is a very important part of my practice.  I didn't expect much after the last chapter, but this actually has some decent ideas for people who are new to the concept. Even for people who have followed this way of living for many years, we can never have too many ideas.  I truly believe that no matter how experienced we are at something, we can never learn too much.  In this case, I have "lived the wheel" for almost 20 years now.  Yet I never pass up a chance at more ideas on celebrations and working with seasonal energies. After all, there are as many perspectives as there are individuals. I currently teach classes on spirituality at my UU church.  This leads me to reading plenty of beginner books as I am working on lesson plans.  I can't even count how many times one of these books has led to some idea to enhance my practice. This ended up being one of those times.  Even if this is all I gain from this book, I will be able to say I found something of value.

Personal Responsibility - This is a topic I frankly think should be taught everywhere to every group of people at every age, especially in any type of studies about spirituality. Too often in today's society, people blame everyone else for their own behavior.  No matter what they do, no matter what the reason, somehow it wasn't their fault.  I am 37 and I most often hear from others my age that poor behavior isn't their fault because they had a bad childhood, a bad marriage, or an absent parent.  I had all those things, yet I take responsibility for my actions. These are not legitimate excuses, yet society tells us they are. 

Two days ago a young white man went into a black church, sat through service with them, and then pulled a gun killing 9 people. All over the news "experts" keep explaining why it wasn't his fault, even though he planned it for 6 months and had a manifesto written where he considered and dismissed other mass murder plans before deciding on this. A murderer of 9 people who had attempted to kill everyone, yet it supposedly wasn't his fault. This is a drastic, yet well-publicised example of needing to teach personal responsibility.

I was pleased to see a chapter on the topic here until I read it. The first sentence insults men as wanting to run from the "r" word. It eventually devolves into discussing aliens and conspiracy theories. The occasional good point is detracted from by the insults and silliness. Well, at least the topic is here...

Living a longer happier life - This chapter is a page and a half saying to put small stresses on the body to make it stronger, and that is the key to being happy. As a person with major auto-immune disorders and chronic pain, I have nothing to say on this chapter. 

Living lightly on the land - Another lesson we so desperately need today!  Landfills, toxic waste, littering, disposable everything... the planet can't keep on taking all this. If we want to leave a place for our descendants to live, things must change! I'm disappointed that this chapter really just discussed the annoyance of having a small allotment for a garden and that a person shouldn't "whine and procrastinate".  I consider this another missed opportunity!

Expectations - This is just over a page telling us the more we expect, the more we are disappointed. I'm sad to say that my first thought was this book.  I can already tell that what little is helpful in here isn't enough for me to recommend this or teach from it.  I doubt I will ever read it again.

Environmental awareness - A discussion on being depressed from friends not contacting you is how this begins. I'm starting to think the chapter titles are random. This was one page, one, that ends with saying we need to do things for others.  I absolutely agree with that stance, but I have no idea what that has to do with the title, especially since the word "tree-hugging" is in the first sentence. Regardless of the title, yes, we should do things for others.  I mean do it for THEIR benefit, not just to feel like you are better than others. 

I have noticed a trend among far too many volunteers of using thier hours as a way of proving superiority. I have had times in my lif where I needed assistance.  I can say from first-hand experience that having someone help you while having a smug look on thier face just makes you feel even worse. Most individuals needing assistance would rather be anywhere else than in that line asking for help. A kind smile makes us feel a little more human while the smug reactions only serve to make us feel worse about a situation we can do nothing about.

This is another topic I wish we would teach our children.  Imagine how our society would change if we did things for others simply to help them.  We would mow an elderly neighbor's lawn just to help them, not in the hopes they will feel guilty and pay us. Children learned the value of community service in a food bank, animal shelter, community garden or just helping in their neighborhood. What a better world this would be!  When I received notice that my Compassionate Membership gets extended only if I do community service, I thought that was a wonderful requirement!

Medicine and Herbs - Herbalism has called to me for years.  I love how nature can heal us as long as we care for it in return.  What a lovely relationship!  I had even considered joining the Healers Guild for a time, but in the end, the Naturalists won out.  Every time my grandfather takes me to his herb garden or out in the woods to teach me about medicinal plants I am even more grateful that I am lucky enough to have family who still understands this amazing gift.

I will readily admit this chapter hit a hot-button topic for me. My issue with this chapter is the focus on being ill for "attention, sympathy, and to manipulate others". Sufferers of chronic illnesses specifically are used as an example.  I am one of those, and I certainly DO NOT use my illness for any of those reasons! Most people don't even have a clue how sick and in pain I generally am.   Only those closest to me can tell the signs, such as the growing flushing across my chest being a sign I am fighting to handle the pain. Attitudes such as in this book are why I still have not been approved for disability.  No matter how many doctors say I am in bad shape, all that is seen is my age.  This author seems determined to insult just about every audience likely to read this book, except for able-bodied, hard-working, career-minded moms.

Then we reach Part 2 "The Advanced Stuff" which is an explanation of the OBOD. At this point I will end personal opinion simply because I don't want to look back on this entry at a later date and let it affect my opinion of the OBOD.  Nor am I going to risk pissing anyone off who may personally know the author.  That being said, the author may be an amazing person and incredible teacher.  We have to remember that everyone's skills lie in different areas.  I am apparently a great teacher (or so my students frequently tell me). The church's attendance  more than doubling in the past 6 months by individuals who state they are coming primarily for my classes indicate there is truth to that statement, but that doesn't mean I'm a great writer.  An ok writer, sure, but my illnesses lead to clarity issues that makes me no longer that good of a writer. There is nothing wrong with that. We all have different gifts. That is what makes the world so amazing!!

The Joyous Summer Solstice!

I am still in the process of moving things over from my old journal, but it didn't seem right to be writing about the spring when the solstice is tomorrow.  That will be for later.

So, tonight is the eve of the Solstice.  It's a bittersweet day here in Arkansas.  I've always enjoyed the dark half of the year more, as in the half when the days get shorter.  For me, it's the half of calming, of setting into motion and finishing all the things I spent the last six months planning. Yet here in the South, it is also the day signaling that horrid heat is about to hit. Next week we will finally be in the upper 90s with the heat index over 100 degrees. While in Colorado I didn't dread the Solstice so much. The oppressive heat was rare and we could actually enjoy the summer.  Here, not so much.  

The heat, the humidity, all of it combines to make the summer horrible for me. My fibromyalgia and lupus begin to flare pretty much every day if I go outdoors.  I love to be outside, so this is the most difficult time for me. I so often have to enjoy nature through the window.

It may not be ideal, but I still can see so much! Lucky for me, I live in the country and I have a wonderful view of nature.  I saw the first baby bird at my feeders this week.  The petunias are blooming. Other things I see this time of year:  the rains tend to stop (this year just days before the solstice), the floods around the local farmlands finally dry up.  The wildfires spread beyond California.  

Part of my personal practice is to pay attention to the changes around me.  No matter the climate, there is a fairly regular cycle of changes during the year. I recently wrote a paper about healing work with the Shadow Side and I realized, part of that healing is to work with these changes.  I no longer pay such close attention to the "standard" markers of the 8 High Days as they are explained in books. I am instead learning to work with my own part of the world.  For me, being in tune with home IS healing.   

Part of the purpose for this journal is to keep a written record from year to year.  I have even tagged it so I can keep them organized. I have always had two particular areas I was most drawn to in paganism - the elements and the Wheel of the Year. I have files and files of songs, recipes, seasonal crafts and so on. However, it never occurred to me to keep my personal record. Instead, I just remembered things I notice. I look forward to being able to look back on this in future years and see my notes.

And so... may all be blessed with joy, prosperity, and the courage to make the coming months the best possible!  Blessings of the Solstice upon all!

Reflections on the Wheel of the Year and Its Beautiful Journey

I have lived in a city of over 3 million, and I have have lived in the country on 30 acres of woodland. In my life, I have seen the wheel of the year in many climates, in many sized towns and in many states.  When I was young I took the things I watched for granted.  Of course, I never dreamed I would start moving to larger and larger cities until finally ending up in Denver!  Now I am back, not far from where I started.  

As I read the section on the High Holy Days and how they began as agrarian days, yet celebrated in cities such as Rome, I couldn't help but think on my life.  I began with a country family, half of whom farmed and still do today. I didn't fully embrace the pagan life until later. Of course, I had no way of knowing that what I believed was something that people used to practice as their religion and that many still do.  I was extremely isolated and often thought I was just strange.  I kept all of this secret until college, even going so far as to be the "good little Christian girl" complete with my own Bible and all the books I was "supposed" to have to make my Christian studies better. I didn't believe what all I read or heard in church, but I was there.  Here in the South, that is all that matters.

Now I am happily, and openly, pagan. What a difference! I admit I generally just use that word when explaining to people, simply because around here no matter what word you use, people will ask "you mean Wiccan, right?" and I can explain the differences if they are interested.  Otherwise, the responses are much worse. For some reason, in my town the term Druid freaks people out even more than pagan. Of course, it doesn't matter what people call me. I know the truth of my path and that is all that matters.

I have spent my whole life focused on the turning wheel. Even as a child, I could tell you whatever you wanted to know about the seasonal changes and when they happened.  Now I have lived in a variety of places, from the Deep South to the Rocky Mountains.  I have learned how different it can be. Yet no matter where I live, no matter the climate, there are clear changes with each season.  I came to enjoy the special touches that happened in each place. For years I have decorated my house to match the seasons and bring the joy of the turning wheel into my home. It has become a part of my practice of honoring the changes around me.

Now that I am living once again where I originally started, I can look back on the beauty of each place I lived when I think on the Holy Days. I truly think this will enhance my studies and reflections as I work on that part of the requirements.  So many people only have one perspective of the seasonal changes.  Thanks to my wanderlust, I have been privileged to see it in many ways.

The First Oath

I decided early on that I wanted to use the Wheel of the Year as a way of working through my DP.  I usually like to do things my own way, but when I glanced through the guide it resonated quite strongly. It actually followed along fairly well with the way I wanted to go about things. At this point I was already having a lot of trouble finding and keeping a study buddy.  I let them approach me, so I was quite surprised, but so be it.

As I move things over to this journal, I am putting them in order of the guide.  For myself, as I go back through these initial tottering steps, it simply makes more sense.  This was written several weeks in.  I forgot to date it, so I can't say exactly when.  I only know it was probably a month and a half to two months in the program, even though this was actually the second week in the guide.

It is difficult for me to make oaths.  I take them quite seriously.  A previous organization I was  a part of made us take oaths at different stages in our studies and they pushed very heavily for us to make them to their group.  I have issue with that.  After all, a person may get going in a program of study and discover that it is simply not for them.  In my case, once I got higher up I discovered they had beliefs and practices that seriously violated my code of ethics.  So I left.  If I hadn't fund a way to slip by and make my oath to the Gods instead of their church I would have been in serious trouble!

As a result, I kept postponing this section. I don't feel bad about it in the least.  After all, this is something that should be taken seriously!  Then, one not so special day, I sat down to reread what I had written so far about my short journey with the ADF to make absolutely sure this was the right path for me. The following journal entry was the result.

~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~

I realize I still have not completed my first oath.  That was several weeks ago, but I find this is too important to undertake lightly.  I am taking the time to get into the studies and really think about it. There is so much I want to say, yet I can't quite put it all into words. I am doing a lot of reading and thinking.

I can say this -
I want to live my life in a better way.
I want to live more authentic to who I am.
I want to live a life that better honors the Gods, the Ancestors, and all others who guide me and help to preserve the natural world

Here I will rework the example given:
"I, Jennifer, declare myself to be a Pagan, a seeker of the Old Ways, a worshiper of the Elder Gods.
With this holy oath I set my foot upon the path, the Druid's Way, and I vow to make my dedication plain.
I vow to seek virtue in my life, to do right by my kin, my friends and my community, I vow to make my Paganism real, by keeping the rites and works that call to me.
I vow to deepen my understanding of the Ways through study to fill my mind with the truth of the Elder Paths.
These things I swear to the Gods, with those gathered here as my witnesses. So be it."

I suppose this actually works as is.  I guess I just needed time to really give it thought.  This is it.  This is my oath.

~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~

Tonight I finally completed the Oathing Ritual. Even though it has been about a month since the above entry, I had a feeling I needed to wait to complete it.  I can't give any reason other than just a "feeling".  It didn't occur to me until I was almost done that tonight is a new moon.  I look back and see I wrote the above entry after the last one.  Perhaps that is why I needed to wait.

It has been a long time since I felt the connection that I felt in this simple ritual.  I felt the tie to all that I spoke to.  I felt like I was aligning myself with the Universal energies.  I felt RIGHT.

I had thought I would always be called to my Druidcraft cards or my handmade runestones for the divination part.  Instead, I used my Wisdom of the Hidden Realms Oracle deck.  I believe the cards were quite good!

Ancestors card - The Winged Wise Ones (angelic help & miraculous aid) - I made sure to honor all my ancestors tonight.  The known blood ones by name.  the unknown blood.  The cultural blood.  The ancestors of my home.  It felt like the right thing to do and this card indicates to me that it was appreciated and I can call on them in the future knowing my voice will be heard.












Nature Spirits card - The Metal King (discipline, armor & boundaries) - I realize this could be interpreted different ways, but what immediately came to me was that the nature spirits I have worked with so often in the past are willing to help me with these aspects that I tend to have difficulty holding strong.  Discipline I generally do well with, but strong armor and healthy boundaries not so much.  I see the Spirits as ideal for these subjects, although I can't say exactly why.  All I can say is "thank you".

Deities card - The Altar Priestess (preparation, prayer & sacred ritual) -  aaahhh... What better card could I have drawn? My calling is to the priestesshood, so this card is the absolute best I could have pulled!  All I could feel at the time was confirmation that I was indeed meant for that path.  How perfect!














Right now I feel better than I have in a very long time.  I feel strong, secure and loved.  I KNOW beyond any doubt that I am exactly where I am meant to be and that my future is as clergy.  I know that I will have challenges.  My health doesn't leave much doubt in that.  However, I am learning to use the lessons tackled during a life with auto-immune issues and chronic pain to bring me closer to the Gods and to teach others how to be more spiritual.  I already am teaching Religious Education and, according to my students, doing an excellent and inspired job.  I am working to stop doubting myself.  After all, about once a month they make a point of telling me so many wonderful things they have gained from my teachings. Each time another doubt crumbles away.

I know I was steered towards the ADF for I had searched many years to find a true druidic organization I could be part of.  Whoever brought me here... THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

The First Questions

Here is the beginning of my personal working journal.  Part of my process for getting back in my studies and doing so seriously is to go back to the beginning and move everything to this blog.  Different issues kept popping up with other methods I had tried for keeping up with everything, so here I am.  I tend to keep things private, but I suppose this is meant to be out in the open, so here it is!

Moving things over while I am still recovering from surgery is giving me a chance to reread and reflect over where I am now.  I haven't been on this path with the ADF for long, but I've had some major things happen that make it feel like so much more time has passed.  Due to what I've been through, I am certainly not the same person I was when I started those few short months ago. I can only imagine where I will be in a year!

What follows are my first entries in my journal and my first thoughts.

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Week One
~Why have you chosen to take the first steps on the Dedicant Path?
I am here because I have been searching for a study program that felt truly right for years.  I have touched on others simply because they were all I had easy access too.  This i hunted for and after a bit of time reflecting on it and really giving serious thought, this is it.  THIS is what I have been searching for.

~Is this a step on your path, or will this become the Path itself?
This is a step on what I hope will be a long journey with the ADF.  Each time I look at the further classes and studies, the more excited I am!

~What do you expect to learn?
I expect I will finally learn true Druidry as well as more about myself. This strikes me as a full program that leaves the student with new knowledge about all aspects of the world, including self.

~What would you like to get out of this journey?
Knowledge of the Old Ways made new & of Self

~Do you know where this path will take you?
I strongly believe it will take me to clergyship, but other than that I feel I can't know at this time. I feel that we can only see so much of our future so that we still will learn from each experience and not take things for granted.

~If you have just joined ADF, why have you chosen to work on this immediately?
This work is why i joined.  I did take a little time to sort of dabble, but I think that was more so I could be sure this was right for me.

~Does it look hard or easy?
Deceptively easy on the surface, but I believe that with true study it will be difficult, as it should be.

~Which requirements appear to be difficult to you now, and which appear to be easy?
The easiest I would say are the papers on the sabbats.  I have always enjoyed studying them and will enjoy a paper on each.  The hardest I think are the book reports simply because I have never felt confident in my writing of them.

The Beginning...

So here I am, at the beginning of an amazing journey!

A few months ago I joined the  Ár nDraíocht Féin. What a mouthful, I know. I can't even explain how I came to find them, because I truly don't know. In the end, it doesn't matter how it happened. All that matters is that it did and here I am.

As I said, technically I joined a few months ago and began my DP (Dedicant program). There have been a few stutters on the way to this point.  As the saying goes... if you want to make the Gods laugh, tell them your plans. I have tried to find study buddies, but they disappear very quickly.  I have tried different forms of keeping up with my progress and a journal, but things keep happening to mess them up.  It seems that my tendency to keep things private won't work in this case. instead I will be posting this for the world to see.

As I said, there have been a few stutters. Major family problems followed by surgery not even a week ago have all conspired to make me take steps back.  At the time, I was frustrated, but then something happened...

I had a dream...

Anyone likely to read this will understand it was one of "those" dreams that are really a place out of time and space where Someone is passing on a message.  in this case there was a beautiful woman, who was then an elderly woman, then a young one, and so on. She made me see this was my last test that luckily I passed.  All to determine that I was well and truly ready for all of this.  She smiled and here I am.

I will be moving all my previously completed work in my other journal onto here while I am in recovery from surgery.  It will give me a chance to keep my hands in it without attempting anything serious while on the heavy post-op meds.

And now.... off to my exciting journey!